Split the Aces Page 14

  No, those things she kept locked away for herself. She’d bring out the memories and nibble on them anytime she was feeling sorry that she didn’t see more of him. The sharp edges kept her from calling him.

  Norma’s eyes hardened. “You are not your father.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I married the man. I know who he is.”

  No arguing with that. Rae sipped her drink cautiously. “Tell me honestly. Am I like him?”

  “Is that what you fear?” Norma asked astutely.

  “Maybe.”

  “You have parts of him…the good parts. The sun comes out when you’re around. You get that from him. But he has too much charisma for a man with weak character. He was selfish and shortsighted. You’re neither of those things. You have self-discipline. He doesn’t.”

  Rae had listened to her mom cry through the bedroom door more than once when she was little. Those tears always coincided with her dad’s arrival and subsequent departure. Rae refused to do that to another person, especially Cori. She couldn’t bear to let down the people who loved her, so she hesitated to make a commitment. What if she promised forever and woke up after a year, or two, stifled and suffocating, unable to resist the need to run? Just like her father.

  “You are not him,” her mom repeated.

  “How do you know that for sure?”

  “Because I know you, Rae. I know your heart.” She took Rae’s hand in hers and pressed it to Rae’s chest. “You’re good deep down. You take care of the people you love, and there’s room in your heart for one more. Don’t let fear of your father keep you from grabbing what you want with both hands.”

  “What if she doesn’t want to live in Vegas?”

  “Then you move to Seattle. Small things like where you live are only details in the face of love.” Norma kissed Rae’s head. “Love, real love, can’t be denied. If you try, it’ll eat you up inside.”

  Rae was struck by her mother’s words. The gnawing hole in her gut grew larger with each passing day. Promotion be damned. She needed to be with Cori, one way or another.

  *

  Caller ID revealed that Kel had called twice while Cori was at work but didn’t leave a voice mail. Cori tapped the readout. Should she call back or wait until Kel called again? Before she could decide, the phone rang in her hand.

  “Cori, glad I caught you.” Kel’s tone bordered between sarcastic amusement and genuine interest. The combination left Cori unsure of what to say next.

  “What’s the word? You gonna come play with us or what?”

  All the reasons for hesitating fell away. Kel was offering exactly what she needed, an escape from her workaday life in Seattle, an opportunity to chase her American Dream. Even if she forgot about Rae completely, which had proven impossible so far, her future happiness hinged on the answer to one simple question. Did Cori want to move to Las Vegas and join Kel’s band? Crazy and fanciful? Maybe. But there was only one answer she could give.

  “Yes.” Cori dropped into the nearest chair, the impact of one word crumbling her at the knees.

  “Yes?” Kel sounded unsure.

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  “When can you be here?”

  “Give me a week.”

  Cori half-listened to the rest of the conversation, scribbling down information she might need later. God help her, she was moving to Vegas.

  *

  Rae folded and unfolded the mangled piece of casino stationery that had Cori’s home and cell phone numbers written on it. Twice she’d made it as high as the sixth number. She’d hung up both times before punching in the seventh. She took a deep breath and tried again. The phone rang four times then went to voice mail. Odd. Eight o’clock on a Monday night. Cori should be home from work.

  Rae toyed with the idea of simply putting her thoughts down in an e-mail. No. She’d come this far, she couldn’t punk out now. Maybe she could reach her on her cell phone.

  Cori answered on the third ring, her greeting reserved. “Hello, Rae.”

  “Cori? Is everything okay?”

  “Long day.” Cori paused. “Did you go to another party?”

  Was that why Cori didn’t answer her home phone? Jealousy?

  “What? No.” This conversation would be much easier in person, if she were able to look in Cori’s eyes, hold her in her arms. “I need to talk to you about work.”

  “Work?” Cori snorted. “Since when do we talk about work?”

  Ouch. Cori wasn’t going to make this easy.

  “Let me start over.” Rae pushed her fingers through her hair. “I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter what I’m doing, you’re there.”

  Cori didn’t respond. The soft sound of her breathing assured Rae she was still on the line.

  “My boss has offered me a promotion, but I put him off. I can’t stay here without you. If you’re in Seattle, then that’s where I want to be.”

  Rae’s head pounded with the confession as she waited for Cori to say something, anything. Still she remained silent.

  “I’m sure I could find work there. Not in a casino, obviously. But there are hotels and such. I don’t know, there has to be something I can do.” She was babbling. She could feel it, but she couldn’t leave the dead air between them. She charged forward, her good judgment screeching at her to shut up, for the love of God. “Cori, it’s up to you. If you want me there, I’m yours.”

  She stopped, abruptly out of words. She’d said everything that mattered. Still no response from Cori. “Cori? Did you hear what I said?”

  “Yes,” Cori said softly.

  “I’ll have to give notice, of course. And I probably shouldn’t move until I actually have a job, but I’ll start—”

  “Rae, stop.” Cori interrupted. “Take the promotion. There’s no reason for you to move to Seattle.”

  “What?” Rae’s heart fell out of her chest and landed with a dull thunk on the carpet at her feet. Surely she was hearing things. No way would Cori respond with such indifference. “But…” Rae stopped. She’d offered her love, her life, to Cori and she’d said no. No amount of discussion would change that. “Okay. I’m sorry, Cori, I won’t call you again.”

  Rae closed her cell phone against Cori’s hasty protests. There was nothing Cori could say to erase the hurt that came with her rejection.

  Her phone rang a few seconds later and she didn’t pick up. After the fifth time, she turned it off and stuffed it under the sofa cushion. Then she lay down and cried, the heartache flowing from her and taking root in the air, the furniture, the very building around her.

  Tomorrow she would dry her eyes, drive to work, and accept the promotion. Tonight she deserved her tears.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A wave of nausea swept over Rae and the rising pressure behind her eyes promised her head would explode before much longer. She gripped the fold-up arms attached to her seat as the plane banked left and descended toward the runway. No matter how many times she flew, she never quite got used to the change in pressure during takeoff and landing.

  Norma covered Rae’s hand with her own and gave it a gentle pat. “Almost there, sweetie.”

  Rae swallowed. “Yep.”

  “Tell me again why you won’t take Dramamine.”

  The laughter in Norma’s eyes belied the concern in her voice. Rae stared down the aisle and didn’t answer. Norma knew the why. Dramamine knocked Rae out. Not a little drowsy but head back, mouth open, drool down her chin, snoring to the rafters knocked out. So the question was not asked out of concern. She just couldn’t pass on an opportunity to torment her.

  After far too long, the plane touched down and the pressure in Rae’s head eased. She rubbed her eyes. “Kills me every time.”

  “Factoring out the takeoff and landing, you had a good time. Right, honey?”

  After Cori’s rejection, Norma had somehow convinced Greg to authorize an impromptu vacation for Rae, claiming that it would be much more difficult for her to use her vacation
time once she stepped into her new position. They’d spent the last week lounging on the beach in Mazatlan. No neon, no blackjack, nothing to remind Rae of Las Vegas. But it didn’t keep her from thinking of Cori.

  “Yeah, I had a good time.”

  Rae couldn’t tell her mom that all she’d gained from the trip was a great tan. The ache in her heart hadn’t eased. In fact, the entire time she was there, she’d compared every woman she saw to Cori. None of them stacked up. For the first time in her life, Rae had actually said no to a beautiful woman. More than once.

  She retrieved their carry-ons from the overhead compartment and followed Norma to the exit. They weaved through the ceaseless bustle of the Las Vegas airport and caught the tram to baggage claim.

  “It’s going to be okay, honey,” Norma said. “Broken hearts don’t last forever.”

  Several heads turned her direction as her mom patted her hand. The strangers’ eyes were full of sympathy.

  “Can we save this conversation for later?” It was Rae’s standard answer whenever Norma broached the subject.

  “You have to talk about it eventually.”

  The tram glided to a stop and Rae stepped out without answering.

  Norma didn’t give up. “Honey, please. I’m worried about you.”

  Rae kept walking, her attention focused straight ahead. “And I appreciate that, Mom. Really I do. But I’d rather not talk about it in front of strangers.”

  Norma looked around, seeming to take in her surroundings for the first time. “Oh.”

  They stopped in front of the luggage carousel. The red light blinked, announcing the impending arrival of their bags, and the conveyor started moving.

  “I’m sorry.” Norma heaved a sigh. “I don’t mean to embarrass you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m just worried about you.”

  “I’m okay.”

  Rae’s bag came into view.

  “Rae…”

  “Mom. I’m hot. I’m tired. And my head is pounding. Please, just let me go home.”

  Rae picked up her bag, kissed her mom on the cheek, and headed toward the door. Norma stared after her as she climbed aboard the shuttle to long-term parking, but she didn’t return Rae’s wave good-bye.

  Her mother would forgive her, she hoped, for leaving her to get her own bag. Rae rested her head against the seat in front of her and squeezed the back of her neck, willing the thumping in her head to subside. She just needed to get back to her life. She would be busy with school and work, too busy to keep dwelling on what would never be.

  *

  The usually comforting silence in her apartment taunted Rae, driving home the message that she was unquestionably and unchangingly alone. She pushed play on her CD player without checking to see which artist was coming up. She was more interested in filling the sound vacuum than listening to music. Then she adjusted the thermostat to seventy-four, unpacked, poured herself a drink, and checked her e-mail, deleting six messages from Cori without reading them. Being told no over the phone was enough. Rae didn’t need a Dear John letter on top of it.

  The light on her answering machine blinked. Twenty-two messages. She didn’t even want to listen to them, but pushed the play button just in case something important had happened in the week she was gone.

  “Rae, it’s Cori—”

  Delete.

  “Rae, please, I need—”

  Delete.

  “Rae, you can’t—”

  Delete.

  Twenty-one of twenty-two messages were from Cori, the level of desperation in her voice increasing with each one. The only other person who’d called was Kel. Rae listened to that one.

  “Dude, come by the club and check in. We’re back at work and the place doesn’t rock the same without you”

  Rae collapsed onto her couch, legs up, head against the arm, and held a throw pillow over her eyes. She refused to cry just because Cori had called. Crying sucked. Cori sucked. Las Vegas sucked. Love sucked. Life sucked.

  With a frustrated growl, she threw the pillow across the room. It hit the window and fell to the floor with an impotent poof.

  “Fuck this.” Rae moved her self-indulgent pity party to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair stood on end. Even the long front part refused to behave.

  She jammed a ball cap on her head, grabbed her keys, and headed toward the club. It wasn’t where she wanted to be, but what was new? The only place she wanted to be—in Cori’s arms—was the one place she couldn’t be. There was no point in moping at home when she could be out with friends.

  She tapped a Camel out of her pack and lit it as she stepped into the dim light of the club. The swinging door whooshed shut behind her, blocking out the hail of protests from the people waiting in line to get in. Let ’em scream. She was here long before they arrived and she’d be here long after they went back to their lives. The bouncer on the door knew it. They had that in common.

  She stopped two steps in, slack-jawed, cigarette clinging to her lip, and stared at the stage in disbelief.

  Cori.

  A long black dress hugged her body, the neck cut so low that just a little nudge from Rae’s tongue and those beautiful nipples would be hers, hard and ready. The fabric shimmered as she danced. A slit went from the hem to high on her hip, inviting long looks at the leg provocatively displayed. Her eyes were closed and she cupped the mic kissing-close to her lips. She swayed to the band’s cover version of Melissa Ferrick’s “Drive” with the same intimate, pulsing rhythm she used when making love.

  Rae stumbled back, bumping into faceless people as she groped for the wall behind her. Cori’s voice washed over her and she slumped against the solid surface, helpless and unable to move, to run. To Cori. Or away from her.

  Cori wasn’t in Seattle. She was here. Or was she? Rae took a shaky drag of her cigarette and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. No amount of tired, bloodshot, smoke-filled vision would make her hallucinate Cori, would it?

  Coming here was a bad idea. Rae turned toward the door as the song came to an end. Cori was here for the band, not for her. She had moved to Las Vegas for music, not for Rae. Wanting Cori and not being able have her while she was in Seattle had killed Rae. But wanting her and not being able to have her while she was in Vegas? Rae couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.

  Cori was flirting with the crowd, winking at a leggy brunette close to the stage. She paused and cast a long look deep into the room. Rae forced her legs to move as Cori’s gaze met hers. Cori’s smile faded and she raised her hand in a jerky flutter. Dazed and desperate to wake up from this nightmare, Rae shook her head and ran for the door.

  *

  Kel counted the next song in and Cori fumbled for the lyrics. She sang reflexively. The words tasted like cardboard and lay dead on her tongue. She closed her eyes against the churning emotion building low in her belly.

  She’d left Rae countless messages, enough that she was sure she’d broken some sort of anti-stalking laws, but she still couldn’t stop calling. Rae never called back, not even to say so much as a fuck you. And it was too late by then to change her mind about moving. The wheels were in motion and whether Rae wanted her or not, she’d said yes to Kel. And the truth was, she wanted to make the move. It was time, and there was no backing out of that commitment. She owed herself the possibility of a life that meant more, even without the woman she wanted to share it with.

  Yet the look on Rae’s face just moments ago, when Cori looked up from flirting with her audience. Oh, God, Rae saw her wink at that brunette. She’d not been prepared to see Cori, that was obvious from the complete stunned shock on her face. But how could she not know? Yes, she’d asked Kel not to say anything, to let her surprise Rae with the news. But she’d left so many messages and shared all the details, Rae had to know.

  Cori finished the set in a daze and walked off stage while the crowd was still clapping. She had to call Rae. Now.

 
; Four rings. Voice mail. She dialed again. “Rae…I…Fuck.”

  She ended the call. She couldn’t say what she needed to say to a machine.

  The noise of the others filtered down the steps toward the dressing room. Cori stripped in a hurry and pulled on her street clothes. Normally she’d take the time to remove her makeup before heading out. Tonight she couldn’t afford even the few minutes the post-performance ritual would take. She hiked her bag over her shoulder and retraced her steps back up the stairs, passing Kel and the others as she went.

  “What’s the rush, Cori?”

  Someone laughed. “Didn’t you see her? The brunette with the legs, right?”

  “Stay awhile,” Kel said. “We’re going to party. You can invite her back.”

  Cori forced a smile, but never slowed on her journey toward Rae. “Sorry, guys. Not tonight. I have some things to take care of.”

  “You sure? She’s hot for you.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Nobody, no matter how long her legs or how sexy her curves, would convince Cori to stay. She needed to get to Rae. Thankfully she had her address.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Rae sat stunned on her sofa, a mental Cori checklist playing on constant loop in her head.

  Cori was in Las Vegas.

  Cori didn’t want her.

  Cori was flirting with that woman. Not her.

  She stared at the bottle of tequila on the low table in front of her. She’d screwed the lid off and back on at least six times. She opened it again. All the sun and sand in Mexico couldn’t make her forget Cori and didn’t ease the pain. Would a drink that smelled like rancid piss really help? No. She returned the cap to the bottle.

  The pain, sharp and fresh, was hers. It might have been all she could have of Cori, but she owned it and she wasn’t ready to give it up.

  The doorbell rang. Again. And again. Followed by a frantic knocking